@Peridot: You're right on the money. That being said, you needn't have been trying to spare me the horrors of the terminal (I like the gedit touch, but I prefer nano unless I'm coding, in which case I need the syntax highlighting). (Begin ranting and rambling)
I like the terminal myself. Hell, I've even manually adjusted the cursor width in firefox so that it is the old-style block (and enforced a text styling so that there's never a situation where the block is off-size). I just hate leaving /spare/ terminal clutter, for instance, the only way to run UZBL is from a terminal, from what I've been able to tell (the same solution won't apply here, because UZBL can be run from any directory), which leaves a terminal window lying around waiting for UZBL to die in a blazing fire caused by pulseaudio. So I installed Guake, mainly so I can pack the terminal out of the way (Guake, incidentally, will show up and be responsive faster than calling up a new terminal window, if you're interested, it also has a twin program that is. . . less intuitive (read: crashes on start-up even fresh out of the repository) called Tilda).
Fortunately for you, I've made bash scripts before, so I got the thing done right the first time.